for the love of all things holy and just in this world, would you please stop crying?

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In the midst of this trying (crying) time, I have seen my friends, family, and complete strangers offer up honest help – all because I reached out and admitted that I am struggling to keep my chin up above water, so to speak. This is overwhelming. How many times have these people needed help, a hand, a break, someone to just listen? I never knew “need” like this, and I can only hope and pray that I have been a friend to those close to me in their times of need as well.

I have these serious chats with Poppy, where I explain to her very calmly that this cannot go on. She mustn’t cry unless something is actually bothering her. I simply cannot function properly as a mother, or human being for that matter, if this continues. While most often she responds with (you guessed it) crying, on rare occasion she will pause and offer me a moment of quiet understanding so that I may recharge. Sometimes just ten minutes of contentment on her part is enough to guide me through another 8 hours of rough water.

I am seeing a trend in my life – People around me tell me that I am strong, independent, tough, capable … I used to covet these compliments and glow a bit inside knowing their truth. I am theses things. I have certainly proven that. Why must I continue to prove them? Must being a “strong mama” be so very arduous a title to achieve? I may be ready to be known as the “wimpy one.”

Like birth, I come to the point of absolute breaking – and right as I begin to believe I cannot do it – something budges just enough and the laboring lets up so I can feel my heart beating again.

Kieran’s stoicism toward most things mixed with his sensitivity to my emotions has kept me believing in my abilities to do this. He offers his 9 year-old help more often than anyone and I am in awe at his love for his sister and patience with her “vocal skills”.

I am blessed to be here. I am fortunate to be called “mama.” I am capable.

I love you, sweet Poppy Pants. Please be quiet now.

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4 thoughts on “for the love of all things holy and just in this world, would you please stop crying?

  1. There is nothing more draining, exhausting, frustrating, and completely indescribable then your child crying for hours on end. You try to do anything and everything you know to try to help your child become content. You have intentionally and with full empathy and compassion tried to learn your daughter’s every move in an attempt to ease her pain somehow, someway and even then the mysterious crying and frustration continue to present itself vocally from your beautiful daughter. I cannot say that the road will continue to be easy. I am not saying that some day it will magically change. What I am saying is that GOD picks strong people that hold more inner strengthen than even you can imagine to be blessed with the “meek”. You were chosen to care for this precious gift. I understand what you are going through. I still have those moments where I cannot take away my daughter (know 14) pain away or curve a meltdown. What budges you is that “unconditional” love that a parent has for a child. That is what GOD will constantly provide for you without even asking because he know your heart and the love you have for poppy. Stay strong and allow others to help. This is not a sign of weakness but of strengthen.

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  2. I love you my dear, sweet friend! Little Miss Coral has been screaming A LOT now too, though I’m sure it’s nothing like what you are experiencing with Miss Poppy. Pretty much if I don’t hold her she screams horribly, and often even when I’m holding her. Sounds like Poppy has far surpassed even that. Somehow, in all of the screaming, along with uncertainties and concerns for the near & distant future, I pray that you find some rest and reassurance that you are loved, are being held constantly in prayer, and have what it takes in you to make it through this hard season. I wish I knew what to do to give you more comfort or support as you all walk this road, but if you can think of anything let me know beautiful! I will do whatever I can to help my friend. Love & hugs!

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