if it’s not A, it’s a Bee.

The last 9 days have proved difficult. Poppy started running a fever last friday, developed some severe congestion by Saturday morning, and fought hard all week just to breathe and eat.

I am so tired of watching my baby girl suffer.

Every time she is ill, I am so taken by fear that it is all I can do to to stay positive. There is still a deep, dark hole in all of this. I crawled out of it – I know it’s close enough to fall back into.

The limbo begins – home or hospital. How sick is too sick? When do the risks of simply walking through the doors of the hospital outweigh those of staying home and struggling? The balance beam of home offers less possible complications and a much larger area to maneuver through the illness, while the tightrope of a hospital stay is far more frightening – but offers an enormous safety net.

I suddenly don’t want to be grown-up. I want my mom. I call my mom. Countless times I tell her this is not fair, it is too much, I haven’t slept in days, I am angry and scared and alone. She of course swoops in and saves me from certain insanity. She drives my oldest to school, holds Poppy as she slobbers and sneezes and fusses. I take a shower. Eat a meal. Apologize profusely for having become such an insatiable belly of need as of late.

A close friend helps get Kieran from school and while she is over asks how long it’s been since I left the house. Seven days. She watches my babes so I can go to the grocery store. I wander aimlessly. I rock my hand basket back and forth like a baby. I feel totally crazed. Jumpy. I probably look like I’m on drugs.

Somehow I have lived through 9 days without any decent, substantial sleep. Apparently I was designed for this. Go figure.

The sun is shining. We take a walk around the river with a friend. Kieran and I pick apples in the forest. Poppy can breathe again… finally… at last…peace.

Poppy lets out a horrific scream and starts wailing. A bee has stung her beneath the eye.


5 responses to “if it’s not A, it’s a Bee.”

  1. brenda Avatar

    oooh, noo! well, the good news is, poppy doesn’t appear to be allergic to bees… poor little sweetheart. so, by my tally, poppy will stroll through her adolesence without a drop of angst and nary a blemish. she will call her older brother regularly to laugh at his amazing stories of the inspired life he is living as his young man self. and you, of course, will look up at them and smile before resuming work on your second bestselling book. all of this will be, because that’s just, like, ONLY FAIR, right?!


  2. Patricia Richey Avatar
    Patricia Richey

    Poor baby girl! I’m so sorry it’s been so rough my dear friend. 😦 Being a mama sure ain’t for wimps, but you have even greater strength & endurance required of you then any other mom I know. I truly love you all & am constantly keeping you all in my prayers. Wish I could come right over now & help out. Our kidlets have to get better so we aren’t risking sharing these yucky viruses. Sending you another BIG hug my sweet friend!


  3. Renee Naslund Avatar
    Renee Naslund

    Noelle, I’m so sad to hear how much your little one has been suffering…and how you in turn have been suffering. This mama’s heart aches with yours. I will say another prayer for little Poppy and all the big people who surround her and love her.


  4. Ashly Petty Avatar
    Ashly Petty

    Noelle you are such a strong amazing person full of so much love! I’ve been in similar situations I hate hate hate the hospitals and want to avoid them at all costs! But sometimes we need that safety net. If you ever need anything even someone to bring you a meal or come do your laundry or dishes etc. so you can have a break call me! I’ll head right over! i’m glad she can breath again and that poor baby girl!! Stupid Bee! I’m so sorry! I hope you and her get a break from all this mess neither of you deserve it if i can ever help in anyway please feel free to call me!


  5. craniomumdana2Dan Avatar

    Poor poppy… I know where u are at hunnish… Never ending worry followed by… Never ending worry… Sending a big hug. Xxx


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