Today about broke me. For the first time in her life poppy begged me not to take her into the hospital. After more sticks and pokes and swabs, we loaded into the car and through the biggest, saddest falling tears she said “I give up on doctors, mama.”

After conversation and a brand new toy she decided that “hospital nurses are still ok.”

We are headed into another holiday weekend and still have no answers. Hoping all these tests come back before end of day so that there might be some insight as to why my girl is so very sick, still.

Waiting to hear back from Pediatric Infectious Diseases as to how we proceed. When her symptoms were most severe – these tests, that i asked for NUMEROUS TIMES, should have been done. Praying this SIXTH round of labs, urine culture, nasal swab and throat swab can offer an answer. Meanwhile, her cardiologist has failed to return any calls from me, her pcp, an ER doctor, and a nurse from the hospital. I get that it’s the holidays – but this little girl (and her family) missed every single holiday activity this year. She has had a fever 13 out of the last 18 days.

I miss the sound of her giggling and dancing and demanding snacks. I miss being okay. We are not okay.